Reasoning Together, Part 4: Together

The congregation met together often to fast, pray, and speak with each other about the well-being of their souls, and they met together often to partake of bread and wine in remembrance of the Lord Jesus.

—Moroni 6:2, CoC

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 

One of the things that inspired me to write this series on reasoning together was a remarkable experience I had a few weeks ago. It went like this:

Several important and serious questions arose among members of my local fellowship, based on current events in the larger covenant body. After weeks of ongoing personal and small-group discussion, a woman in our fellowship decided it would be helpful if the entire fellowship considered the questions and offered input. So she called a meeting. 

Thirty-two adults attended that meeting, which lasted over two hours. Everyone sat in chairs in a large circle and nearly everyone spoke, understanding all were welcome to speak their minds freely. One person at a time spoke, and all others listened attentively. The entire exchange was calm, respectful, kind, and productive. People openly disagreed, but did so in the spirit of seeking understanding and finding common ground. Nobody attempted to impose their own opinions or exert control, and therefore nobody contended or disputed, nobody became angry, and nobody got their feelings hurt. In the end, the experience was so uplifting and positive that the group conversation turned to consideration of how we might hold such discussions more often. Discussing difficult topics in this way united us and bound our hearts together. 

During the discussion, I found myself astonished at what was happening. In the midst of a very difficult, contentious and emotional time for the larger covenant  body, this group chose—and was in fact able—to reason together. I felt my heart united with every person in that room. In fact, my heart overflowed with love for all to the point of tears. Here was an oasis in the desert, a refuge in the storm, a place of safety for those who desired unity rather than contention during a very contentious time. How could such a group exist? And how was I so fortunate as to be accepted into its ranks? 

It wasn’t always this way.

A Bit of History

Our local fellowship group formed in 2014 after the tenth talk in Denver Snuffer’s 40 Years in Mormonism lecture series. It was built on a loose gathering of like-minded people who had been following the lecture series and studying scripture together for over a year prior. Our first recognition of ourselves as an actual fellowship came at a meeting that included many baptisms, administration of the sacrament, and an air of celebration and excitement. 

In those early days, many interested people came around to see what new thing was afoot in the larger context of the ongoing restoration. Many found their spiritual home and remained; some did not. It wasn’t all just smooth sailing and we experienced plenty of highs and lows.

In our efforts to shed unbelief, adopt a new culture and learn to relate to one another as equals and fellow believers, some gave offense, and some took offense. Disagreements caused hurt feelings and renewed prior religious trauma. From these experiences, we learned to admit error, apologize, forgive, and treat one another more kindly.

Our first attempt to organize a general conference resulted in monumental fights that opened old wounds and caused new ones as well. The conference was a rousing success but it came at great interpersonal cost. We struggled through these difficulties and remained together, learning from these experiences to surrender, seek unity, and value one another more than we valued getting our own way.

Such a group, attempting to gain light and truth, naturally attracted opposition. One woman, who enthusiastically participated in our fellowship, began making increasingly grandiose claims about who she was, what authority she possessed, and future things she was going to do. Some leaned toward believing her, some wondered, and some rejected her claims. As her attention seeking elevated, we agonized over what should be done. Could we exclude someone from our fellowship? What about those scripture passages about continuing to minister? What if she was actually telling the truth about her spiritual experiences and her importance? Would we damn ourselves by not believing her? What would the Lord have us do?

Though time and distance make these questions sound a bit easier now, they were terribly difficult at the time. We were new in this expanded faith, we were open to a much broader array of spiritual experiences—and therefore a much broader array of spirits—than we had been in the institutional church. We held ourselves accountable before God to get this right. These were high stakes indeed as her increasingly grandiose claims became coupled with damaging belligerence that permanently alienated some of our numbers.

Ultimately one of our group sat down with this woman and told her we no longer believed her outlandish claims and she was not welcome to teach them among us any more. She was welcome to attend our gatherings and worship with us, but not to teach or promulgate her self-serving beliefs and claims. That was the last time we ever saw her. From this we learned that not all “believers” are motivated by the same spirit, and that some have hidden agendas and nefarious intent. Her departure was a great blessing to our group, but so was the sad experience of grappling with discernment. This all came at a great cost, as we permanently lost cherished friends and fellow believers because of her actions and influence. Discernment, unfortunately, is forged only in the laboratory of life, where encounters of both good and evil sharpen the blade that divides truth from falsehood. 

This wasn’t the only such character we encountered, but subsequent encounters were rendered easier by the experience we gained in these early days. 

Tithing provided another opportunity to learn and grow together. We have gathered our tithes and done much good to bless and help others, alleviating the suffering and ministering to the needs of the poor among us. We made missteps to be sure, putting money and effort where it would not provide the desired result, but we also got it right sometimes. Some sought out our group as a source of funding for all sorts of things, ranging from “I just need you to send a monthly check to support me for the rest of my life so I don’t have to get a job” types to “I need $300,000 to buy a house in the mountains and turn it into a worship center” proposals. At one point our tithe gathering led to outsiders labeling our fellowship as “wealthy” and insisting we had an obligation to transfer funds to other fellowships who were not so labeled. Through it all, we learned many lessons, both about freely and gladly helping those in need and rejecting the proposals of the covetous and dishonest.

Through it all we’ve studied together, worked together, prayed, fasted, argued, worshipped, discussed, loved, supported and cherished one another. I learned what it meant to mourn with those that mourn as I sat with others on the living room floor of a family in our fellowship whose son had taken his own life the night before. There simply weren’t words adequate to the challenge of even beginning to bind that wound. We couldn’t pour in oil and wine, so we simply poured out our tears as we wept together on the floor, having nothing else to offer but our presence so the grieving parents wouldn’t have to mourn alone. 

We’ve now spent over a decade doing this thing called fellowshipping and I could go on recounting many more notable events and mile markers along this journey. But telling stories and recounting history won’t get us to the most important understanding, just as looking at the map of a journey won’t describe the reasons for the journey nor the understanding gained along the way. The history tells the HOW, but not the WHY or the WHAT. So let’s turn to those questions next.

Why Fellowshipping?

When I consider the question of why we gather, I’m struck with the unlikelihood of such a group interaction over such a long term. Here’s why: Most of us came out of a culture and religious organization where our interactions were largely dictated for us. The “church” told us who was in charge, who must be obeyed, whose homes we were obligated to visit each month, who we worshipped with—and where, and when, and how—and literally every other facet of our religious life, even down to the smallest detail. “They” told us what songs we could sing together, what we must do with our tithing, and how to judge one another over the smallest things. They dictated what beliefs we must hold about the smallest details of human existence, even what underwear we must wear and how to dispose of it when it finally became more hole-y than holy.

The point is that people raised and conditioned in such circumstances for their entire lives suffer from distinct disadvantages when all that is rather suddenly removed. With nobody to obey (other than God) and no institution dominating our lives and dictating how we worship, we were quite literally at a loss how to proceed as a group of equals and fellow believers. How could such sheep with no experience listening to the actual shepherd’s voice ever learn to function as a cohesive flock?

Thankfully, the Lord anticipated these circumstances and gave us the direction we needed. Here are some excerpts from Talk Ten in Denver Snuffer’s 40 Years in Mormonism series:

The Book of Mormon is more prophecy than history. Before the Lord’s appearance to the Nephites, society broke down into tribes consisting of family and friends. Immediately before the Lord’s return we should expect something similar. Therefore, part of the preparation by God’s house for coming social chaos is likely to include some preliminary preparations by families and friends to fellowship with one another in local gatherings, (p. 6)

That having been said, true religion, when it is present on earth, always exists as a community of believers. Community is required. If we don't have a community then we cannot be willing to mourn with those that mourn. We cannot comfort those that stand in need of comfort. We cannot stand as a witness to one another of God at all times and of all places. (Mosiah 18: 9) We cannot bear one another's burdens that they may be light, (Mosiah 18: 8) as is required by the Gospel and by the covenant of baptism. None of this can be done without fellowship between believers. 

However, we do not need a new church. The only thing we need is a community of fellowship.(p. 12)

If new life can be breathed into the Restoration by your fellowship with one another, even the LDS Church should welcome it (assuming they were interested in people worshipping Christ). This fellowship among yourselves has no opportunity for abuse, no chance of amassing wealth, no possibility of getting political influence, and no hope of controlling people’s lives. It can only invite, entice and persuade. (p. 30)

These teachings, which I recognize as coming from the Lord, pointed us in the right direction and gave us the confidence needed to at least make a try at gathering. The Lord also anticipated that this would not be easy for people like us with distorted and ill-formed ideas about “religion” and more layers of unbelief than an 8-pound onion. Mercifully, the Lord gave practical advice as well:

If there are a thousand different fellowships, each will have a unique challenge. You are asked to proceed without being correlated, free to work out your own way to follow the Lord. There will be some people who are “complainers” who will bring complaints with them into your groups. They need your love and patience. You may be able to help them overcome a life-long personality issue that can be cured only by your kindness to one another. Do not be discouraged by the problems. Prayerfully confront them. Do not ignore or hide them. Confess them openly and be patient with one another in finding the solution. Some people have suffered from lifelong abuse by religious authorities, including their parents. They have never had a healthy religious experience. The fact they remain willing to try is itself cause for hope and encouragement. Help them. Love them. Let them find peace among you, for that is what we are asked to do: Be willing to mourn with those that mourn, comfort those that stand in need of comfort, stand as a witness to one another of God at all times and of all places, and bear one another's burdens that they may be light. Suspend judgment and give such assistance as you can to one another. Maybe what they will need most is your listening ear and open heart. (p. 39)

And there it is. There’s the WHY. The religion taught and practiced by our Lord requires community, and without community it simply cannot function an intended. But it’s not just about functioning together—the point of our worship is not merely what we do. That religion of checking the right boxes is familiar but powerless. Rather, the Lord’s desire is that we become something through our practice, and that something is ultimately to become a being like Him. Or more correctly, like Them. The point of fellowshipping is to provide a laboratory in which we can learn by experimentation and even sad experience the lessons that will change us, refine us, and convert us into something better than we were. We fellowship to become.

The What

This outcome—humans refined in the crucible of experience—is the fruit the Lord desires to harvest. 

Whether or not these talks make any difference at all does not depend on how well I have spoken them. They depend entirely upon what you now do. If there is any fruit to be produced, the fruit will not be me talking, or the CDs, or a book, ultimately. That is not the fruit. The fruit is to be found in your lives. The fruit is to be found in your influence, in your family, with your children, in the Light that comes into your lives and the lives of those who know you. (p. 39)

And all this brings me back to that meeting a few weeks ago where I sat in a room with 31 other intelligent, opinionated, passionate believers and experienced a connection of hearts that surpassed any difference of opinion. I wondered how we got there—how I got there—and was left to conclude that the only thing I personally did was show up. The Lord said to gather in fellowships and commence the experimentation, I and others took Him up on that challenge and planted the seed. Time, experience and the Lord’s guidance took care of the rest. A decade later, the tree bore fruit. 

Now having shared all of the above, I need to make several VERY important points. 

1. My intent in sharing these things is NOT to draw attention to my own actions nor the fellowship in which I participate as any kind of correct example. We are not remarkable, special or different, and I’m certain there are other fellowships who have done better and made fewer mistakes. My only intent is to point to the Lord to whom ALL credit is due. If any good has come of our decade-plus of fellowshipping, if any fruit has been born, it is ALL the Lord’s doing. We simply showed up and He did the rest. 
2. I need to acknowledge that I have personally made many mistakes on this journey. I have behaved badly, given offense, attempted to force my ideas on the group, and in many ways failed to do or say what I should, while simultaneously doing and saying what I should not. I thank God and my fellowship brothers and sisters for their patience and forbearance with me as we’ve journeyed together. I’m trying to do better and be better. I’m not there yet.
3. Even as I point to the fruit I undeniably see in the interactions of our fellowship, I realize and must point out that the fruit is yet small, bitter and ill-formed. We have so very far to go, and so much room for improvement. But I cannot deny that this experiment on the Lord’s word has indeed born fruit, no matter how small or C-grade it may be when compared to fruit worthy to be laid up in store. 

Together

With that all having been said, I can finally get to the point if this installment, which is after all, about Reasoning Together. Here it is: 

Reasoning together is neither easy nor natural; it is not our default program as fallen mortals. Gaining this skill requires time, effort, commitment and practice. But the sort of practice required has much LESS to do with Reasoning, and much MORE to do with the second word: TOGETHER. 

The remarkable meeting I mentioned at the beginning of this post did not come about because a group of believers practiced arguing, contending, discussing, or even reasoning over the course of a decade. It happened because the believers came TOGETHER many hundreds of times over the course of a decade. That togetherness has taken many forms and most have not involved grappling with difficult questions or attempting to practice reasoning. What all that togetherness did is forge bonds of love and unite hearts to the point that being right or winning an argument are far less important than the welfare of each cherished soul in that group. We have become precious to one another not by force or command, or even by trying, but as the natural result of what we’ve been through together. 

In other words, this is the Lord’s doing, not ours. This is what the Lord knew would happen if people would gather in fellowships and attempt to live His teachings. And this is a necessary and requisite step toward the future. If there is ever to be a community of peace, prepared and able to welcome the Lord, it begins with small communities of believers who have been through the Lord’s preparatory course known as fellowshipping.

Neglect

In the April, 2025 were taught the following:

We received instructions 11 years ago and have been given more than a decade to learn new skills and practice them in order work out our conflicts, but we have failed to do that required work. Without the desire and effort to learn, we cannot gain the necessary skills. The system of fellowships we were instructed to use was one way to prepare for gathering. We were to gather our tithes and work together to decide how to distribute them to those in need. We have largely neglected to do that and many more things. Additionally, we still have numerous interpersonal conflicts that we lack the desire or the skills to resolve. 

—Denver Snuffer, God’s Covenant People, April 13, 2025

The system of fellowships was given to us 11 years ago as a way to gain the skills necessary for gathering, including the skills required to resolve conflicts and reason together. In retrospect, we can see the Lord’s wisdom in this requirement. Fellowships bring us face to face in interpersonal communication with a variety of personalities that force us to confront and overcome our own weaknesses by interacting with our equals in intimate ways. We simply cannot gain those same skills by participating in chat groups, online forums, or comment section arguments on blogs. In fact such venues often attract and harbor those who enjoy arguing for its own sake, who take pleasure in debate as a hobby or source of personal importance. The last thing such people want is to reach resolution and come together in peace and harmony. It would mean they lose not only their hobby and source of satisfaction, but perhaps even their meaning in life.

I'm pretty sure in the many mansions to be built for people in the afterlife, there will be plenty of places for folks who hurl groundless invectives at one another, attributing the worst motives to one another, where they enjoy the company of one another and retire each night saying, “I made a great argument today, and I look forward to getting up and bitching up a storm again tomorrow.

—Denver Snuffer, St. George Conference Q&A, March 19, 2017

A branch of psychology research now studies why people are inclined to be meaner, angrier, more argumentative and generally nastier online than they ever would be in person. I won’t go into all that interesting research here, though it’s worth considering. I’ll summarize by acknowledging what we’ve all come to know: Internet trolls didn’t exist before online conversations became possible, and now they are a general feature of nearly every large-group online interaction, particularly between those who have no personal relationship with one another.

We cannot work together, pray together, mourn together or forge our hearts together in love through online written communication. The majority of human communication is actually non verbal, including body language, eye movements, intonation, and speech patterns. It is experiential, not academic. We will not learn to reason together by merely studying tools of communication, or interacting in the artificial environs of cyberspace. Twice-yearly conferences bring us into personal contact, but serve a very different purpose than the ongoing, interpersonal interaction fostered by fellowshipping together. 

I realize not everyone lives in proximity to other believers, and this represents a challenge. Fortunately, God has provided tools that are very helpful, enabling online fellowships to function successfully with frequent face-to-face gatherings by video, augmented by occasional in-person gatherings. All who are willing to put in the required effort will gain the benefits the Lord has prepared for those who will attempt to practice His teachings as a small group.

There is no substitute; there are no shortcuts. It’s foolish for anyone to think they can live in peace and harmony as part of a large group when they have not learned to function this way in a small, close group first. And it’s even a step further down the path of foolishness for a person or small group to attempt to impose their own beliefs, practices, or rules on the larger movement when every fellowship is by definition independent and self-governing. One member of my fellowship is fond of expressing an idea along these lines: 

You need a fellowship to tell you your ideas are bad. If you can’t or won’t function in a fellowship, and instead insist on imposing your bad ideas on the whole movement, don’t be surprised when your ideas are rejected by almost everyone. There’s no point in playing the victim, claiming people won’t listen to you when you haven’t first weighed your ideas with those who know you well enough to give you honest feedback.

Conclusion

The greatest tool the Lord has given us to learn the skills of conflict resolution and reasoning together is the local fellowship of believers. Nothing else even comes close. If the larger movement lacks the skills to resolve conflicts and work together in a united manner, the solution is not more online argument. It is local, interpersonal, face-to-face interaction in fellowships. Such will unite hearts, and when hearts are one, uniting of minds is far less important and far less difficult.

They didn’t perform the rites and ordinances of the Law of Moses anymore, but they obeyed the commandments they received from their Lord and God, continuing in fasting and prayer and in meeting together often, both to pray and hear the Lord’s word. There were no conflicts among the people in the whole land, but there were mighty miracles happening among Jesus’ disciples.

—4 Nephi 1:2, CoC