The Drama Triangle

I received the following email from someone who finished watching the Nehor video series. I thought what she had to share was so insightful, helpful, and spot-on, I asked for and received her permission to share it in its entirety, minus her personal details. 

I have read through and considered her thoughts over and over and I learn something more each time. I believe what she wrote is worth reading, pondering and re-reading. Here it is, as she wrote it:

Hi Adrian! I finished your last video. Well done. 

I especially appreciated the sections on victimhood and suicidal empathy.

I actually had to stop and take notes.   

Some of the parts that stood out most to me were that “victimhood has power among those who are merciful and compassionate, who are attempting to follow the Good Shepherd, and are the true followers of Christ.” 

“But if you claim you’ve been victimized, then among compassionate and merciful people, they will rush to your aid, they will do everything they can to lift you up to assuage (had to look that one up😂) to right the wrong, to heal the wound.” 

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of this before, but you’re talking about an actual psychological phenomenon called the Drama Triangle! I took a quick snippet to share. 

“The Karpman Drama Triangle  is a social model of human interaction proposed by San Francisco psychiatrist Stephen B. Karpman in 1968. The triangle maps a type of destructive interaction that can occur among people in conflict. The drama triangle model is a tool used in psychotherapy, specifically transactional analysis. The triangle of actors in the drama are: 

Persecutors, Victims, and Rescuers. 

Karpman described how in some cases these roles were not undertaken in an honest manner to resolve the presenting problem, but rather were used fluidly and switched between by the actors in a way that achieved unconscious goals and agendas.” [AKA False Victimhood] 

“The outcome in such cases was that the actors would be left feeling justified and entrenched, but there would often be little or no change to the presenting problem, and other more fundamental problems giving rise to the situation remaining unaddressed.”

I think you touched on why it was so effective among the merciful and compassionate. Because those are the “rescuer” types. 

I see this constantly all around me ever since I learned about it a couple of years ago.   

My neighbor explained how certain people in our home were taking on those roles and what the necessary results would be. She was right and I was shocked at how we had a huge culture of taking up those roles and that they switched from moment to moment and also some people hold those same positions over and over. 

I had never realized that every time I pointed to who I thought was the “victim” in any given situation, so I could come in and be the “rescuer,” it boosted my ego and made me feel like I was defending the helpless—but in doing so it automatically assigned a persecutor which fueled the division and caused the triangle to continue with conflict. 

And, I agree with you, maintaining the victim identity is essential. Because it is necessary to keep the drama going. But also as destructive, in my opinion, is falling into the rescuer role, because if one person claims false victimhood, another person steps in to be the rescuer, and that will always, automatically put a third-party into the role of persecutor. 

Which is very dangerous, given the fact that it’s a false victimhood to start with. But even when it is true victimhood, it keeps fueling the fire. 

I’ve also noticed that this is when the rescuer becomes the accuser!  (Adding a whole new element and therefore the accused now feels like the victim) It is a nasty pattern. 

As I’ve observed all the conflict unfold with us ladies, it’s obvious that the drama triangle is playing a huge role.  

It really makes me sad. 

I don’t know how many will understand how truly important it is for us all to step out of the roles of the drama triangle.

We as a people need to stay out of other peoples’ business. 😂

I try to use this motto— There are two types of business: My business and none of my business.  😂 

If it didn’t happen to me, If I was not involved, I don’t need to insert myself. But that’s just how l try to manage boundaries and relationships. 

Much of the drama that takes place would be minimized if we could recognize these patterns and how unhealthy they are in relationships and communities. I appreciated you addressing the patterns. I hope it will help. 

I wrote this all yesterday and was going to send it today. But last night I had this dream. So I’m sharing. 

My youngest daughter and I were on an airplane. There was a man causing a  disturbance. I didn’t hear what the disturbance was or see it. I only heard the commotion. 

I peeked around to take a look and saw the man from behind, on his knees with his hands up. There was a security guard or air Marshall pointing a taser like weapon at him. 

I heard him talking but couldn’t understand what he was saying, I could only deduce that he was a man in his 30’s, uneducated and poor. I observed his ethnic background and that he appeared to be of lower intelligence. 

I heard him plead and try to reason. I felt very powerless to do anything in that situation. I had such concern for the man, because he was in distress. It pulled my heart. 

I had the overwhelming urge to try to help (rescue) him. I felt so powerless.  I said to my daughter, oh my gosh… all I can do is just pray now. 

I woke up and I pondered the dream. 

I didn’t know ANYTHING that happened. It was totally ignorant of the situation. I didn’t see it. Didn’t hear what actually happened. Just the commotion and indistinct shouting. 

It didn’t happen to me. 

The man went from being a disrupter in one moment, then to  weak, vulnerable and at risk for an injustice to occur the next moment if the air Marshall couldn’t see the man had a “lower IQ.” He was at one moment a persecutor and the next a potential victim. 

I instantly felt I was the only one who could help calm the situation, to manage it, to control it so that all would be well. 

I realized that I still play that role in my kids’ fights. Always trying to help them see the other side, helping them communicate better etc…but it was only in my dream I was able to see myself clearly. 

It occurred to me that I suddenly inserted ME in to a story that didn’t involve me. I made assumptions the man was handicapped when he could have easily been drunk! I assumed the Marshall wasn’t trained to do his job well enough to recognize a mentally challenged passenger…that the great “I” was the ONLY one with “right perspective” but in actuality I was completely ignorant of what was actually happening. 

I only knew that I felt powerless in doing nothing. 

My ego had such desire to insert ME in to this story that didn’t include me. I wanted to rescue and save. 

DOING something is easier and more comfortable than doing NOTHING. Inaction is so uncomfortable. Sitting in powerlessness is painful. 

I thought it quite profound that here I had written yesterday about “the ladies” in the movement who enter the drama triangle…And the Lord gives me a dream and shows me how I do it with my own family still, and I know all about it and the pitfalls!!  

The Lord also showed me HOW UNCOMFORTABLE it is to watch it and RESIST the urges to fix, solve or save, and rescue…because I am compassionate and merciful. 

But I did manage to figure out the  right role for me by the end of the dream, when my daughter and I began to pray for all involved and left it in God’s hands.

Men's Congress and Zoom Prep Meeting

 I've been asked to post the following announcement:

One of the features of the upcoming Men's Retreat will be a "Men's Congress." 

At the Men's Congress, we will discuss three very important topics. The plan is to break into three groups after lunch, with each brother participating in the discussion related to the topic that most interests/concerns him. We have been intentionally minimalist when it comes to planning the Congress. We have identified three topics for discussion, and have appointed two Facilitators to each topic to assist the discussion in moving forward in a somewhat orderly fashion. Other than that, no goals have been defined, and no agenda has been set. The participants in each discussion will drive what it becomes. We imagine that some sort of writing may be created, or a statement of issues for further discussion, or even the beginnings of an additional conference or other activity to further address that particular topic. You can find the topics and a further description of the Congress on the Retreat website: 

www.mensretreat2026.com

Prior to the Retreat, we will host a Zoom gathering where our Facilitators will introduce the Topics, and begin to refine the discussion's direction, including what questions need to be asked and considered, and what possible outcomes might be available, etc. This Zoom will be held on

Sunday, AUGUST 16, 2026 8:00 PM Mountain (Utah) time.

A link will be provided on the retreat website for the zoom meeting.

We anticipate 60-80 minutes for the meeting. We understand that everyone is busy and has many obligations. However, we also feel it is important to be thinking about these topics prior to the actual event, rather than just walking into the conversation cold. We encourage all to attend.

Thank you!

Nehor Series Completed

The series of videos on Nehor has been finished. There are 13 videos in total. 

Here’s the link to the original post and the videos:

https://www.totheremnant.com/2026/02/desolation-of-nehors.html

Also, I’ve created a playlist with the videos so if you start at the first, they should automatically play in order. They do build on one another and follow an ordered agenda, so watching (or listening to) them in order is the most beneficial way to proceed. 

Youth Retreat 2026

Reminder: Registration for the Youth Retreat ends June 1st. Don't forget to register!

Announcement from the Patriarch

I was asked to post the following announcement: 

From the Patriarch to the Covenant Christian Movement

It is evident from Denver’s reaction to the vote that he hadn’t anticipated unanimous agreement from the attendant body at the conference, in the sustaining of Keith Henderson to be “Patriarch to the Covenant Christian Movement.” It is also evident that in such a sustaining, which required unanimity for the one being sustained, that if your vote had not been unanimous, I would not have been entitled to use such a title as you see at the beginning of this article. That is, however, not to say if the voting had not been unanimous, I wouldn’t still have the title and office of “Patriarch” with a right to give a blessing to those who seek it at my hand. After the request by our Lord to His servant naming myself to be a Patriarch, and the servant consequently anointing me as such, I became empowered with the right and authority to give Patriarchal Blessings to any of those who met the parameters established through His servant, and to have those blessings recognized and recorded on earth and in Heaven.

That having been said, I am under no illusions this was a vote accomplished by the popularity of myself. It was a vote acknowledging that our Lord, Jesus Christ, oversees this movement and is directing His affairs through His servant, Denver Snuffer. It is to the credit of those in attendance and elsewhere who may have voted in the affirmative, that they acknowledged this as the doings of Him, whom we all profess to serve. This didn’t pass by without notice in Heaven.

To tell you the truth this calling terrifies me and there is no way it ever came into my mind to ask for such a thing. I’m much more comfortable in my shop berating obstinate wood that will not conform itself willingly to my hammer and saw. But neither am I one to shrink. I will do my best, and count on the Lord to make up for my inadequacies.

Blessings

Blessings that I give will hopefully contain some or maybe at times, even all the following elements:  1. Instruction.  2. Advice.  3. Call to repent.  4. Prophecy.  5. Revelation.  6. Warning. From this you may ask, so how will these blessings differ from the one I already received from my Stake Patriarch? In truth, in content it may not. I’m not here to compete with anyone else’s blessing. In fact, consider this; My wife received a Patriarchal Blessing from her Stake Patriarch about 65 years ago that just astounds me in its instruction and advice and revelation and warning to her. We are far enough along in our lives to have seen much of it fulfilled. I’m astounded at the faith of the man that offered that blessing and by the faith of my wife in believing such things would happen to her. They did, and we yet have confidence that they will. Are we going to throw that blessing away and give her a new one? Absolutely not. I hope I can give that kind of blessing as I move forward. But now we live in a new dispensation of priesthood. Much could be added concerning the times we live in, and the Zion we are planning, and the blessings a real temple will bring to those who prepare themselves for it.

Maybe you don’t have one of those blessings like my wife’s. If you don’t like the one you got, seek another from your husband or your father or your grandfather. This is an era where hopefully every family will have a patriarch, empowered with righteousness and priesthood and desire, and he will bless his family continually. Record those blessings in your family archives and personal journals, and what you record will be recorded in Heaven. It will be sealed in Heaven.

Requirements to get a blessing from this Patriarch

1. You must be baptized in this dispensation of priesthood, and your baptism must have been recorded in the baptism book in the same year you were baptized.
2. If you don’t have a believing father or grandfather or husband who will give you such a blessing, then contact me if you desire one.
3. I will not give a Patriarchal Blessing to a married woman whose husband will not approve.
4. I will not give a Patriarchal Blessing to a married man whose wife will not approve.
5. Children of appropriate age beyond baptism should understand and have been taught about the blessing by those they trust, and if they have parents or other guardians, they must approve and attend the blessing.
6. Young adults of age and not living with parents or with parents who are not believers may contact me about a blessing.

Contact

Keith Henderson

keelhenderson42@gmail.com

Information about the April Conference

I’m still working on the Nehor series and anticipate several more videos will be required to cover all the material. I will continue posting them as they are ready.

Meanwhile, I’ve been asked by the conference organizers to post information about the “Culture by Precept and Practice” conference coming up in April. It will be held in St. George, Utah April 11-12. Click the link below to view full information at the conference website. 

Culture by Precept and Practice Conference Website

Desolation of Nehors

He also preached that all mankind would be saved on the last day, they didn’t need to be afraid or worry, but they could relax and be happy. He claimed that because the Lord had created and redeemed everyone, in the end, everyone would have eternal life. He successfully taught these things, and many believed what he said. 

—Alma 1:1 CoC

I'm creating a video series on the attributes, teachings and behaviors of Nehor and his followers. I will post installments here as I complete them.