Brian Allred wrote the following and asked me to post it in response to a previous post. I thought he made some good points and consider his ideas worth noting.
I am finally responding to the post titled “Brokenness of Man and Plural Marriage.” I think that post illustrates an important hurdle that we as a group must surpass if we hope to achieve a community worthy of God’s designation of Zion. Truth be told, writing is like unto torture. More often than not my attempts at expression usually fall short. I would like to take credit for seeking wisdom in advance, to guide my attempts of expression contained in this post, however I was mostly lazy. This allowed time for wisdom to sneak up and ambush me. I am sure that if I had posted in haste the result would have been far less appropriate.
I consider Doug Mendenhall a good friend. As a byproduct of his efforts I have found a wonderful movement of like-minded people, for that I am grateful. I tried to find a way to thank Doug and acknowledge his efforts at the last conference in Challis, and also to see how many have likewise been affected. Unfortunately my efforts were lacking and nothing came of it. I would like to say much more about our friendship and the sense of loss I feel, but for brevity’s sake I will not.
I usually believed or resonated with maybe half of the concepts Doug presented. The other half went to the “we shall see” shelf. Recently however I had several important questions about things that were reportedly said by Doug, then add those question to the experience listed in the the post by brother Richmond and also statements from good friends what are members of the movement that they were very sure that Doug was actually teaching polygamy and though not stated perhaps implied that he may be practicing. All this just didn’t square up. Finally my “get off your butt and do something” gene kicked in and I went to work. I figured that if I am persuaded to believe Emma Smith’s accounting of Joseph’s fidelity and Joseph Smith’s childrens’ accounting of the relationship of their parents then I could do the same in the case of Doug Mendenhall. So I called Debi (Mendenhall) James. We had a long productive and pleasant conversation. Diane, Doug’s wife, is a very private person and preferred that Debi be her voice in these matters. This is a summary of what I learned.
- Four of seven personal questions were answered with almost complete clarity, the other three I left for another day because of time constraints.
- I was able to verify that there was interaction between Denise Mendenhall and Brother Richmond. Denise was under the fatherly care of Doug Mendenhall at the time. As a result of that interaction and other factors, Brother Richmond and family did experience many years of pain and turmoil.
- Polygamy – one of the seven questions – The testimony of Doug’s wife and family is that Doug was not practicing polygamy or any variation thereof. The rumors and allegations are an amalgamation of statements on the subject, new and old, that keep cycling. My synopsis of Doug’s beliefs on multiple wives is that it’s not for the temporal man. It may be acceptable for the dispensation head and is probably practiced in the hereafter. Doug clearly taught that Christ was married to two or more women, the second being invalid. I personally find this claim inconsistent with Book of Mormon teaching, Joseph Smith’s teaching and Denver’s teaching and thus resigned this to the “we shall see” shelf. I can see how this teaching of Christ’s multiple wives produces enough energy to keep an ongoing rumor-mill active.
- “Bonus” an insight I had not supposed. Debi described the flow of events from the perspective of the parents and family. In her youth Denise had suffered a severe diabetic coma, which caused among other things a degree of brain injury. Years of therapy were needed to retrain the brain to achieve a measure of normal-ness. Normally this degree of openness may not be appropriate; however the Mendenhalls are very open about these issues and have pre-reviewed my comments. Denise is undergoing ever increasing magnitude of swings, like bi-polar, with high functioning, lots of possibilities for good at the top, and deep depression and possibility for ill at the bottom. At some point they realized that at the bottom end Denise can get derailed. They are also realizing that their ability to help and intervene is correspondingly declining.
As a result of my discussion with Debi, I felt a new sense of compassion for the Mendenhall family. I admit that my relationship with Doug was too one-sided. I was in need of help to figure out the twists and turns of the journey. I was unaware of the burden he was carrying. I could have done better, I could have been of assistance. I ask myself “how would I have done if I were in his shoes?” How would you have done?
Now, about the hurdle we need to surpass to be pre-Zion compatible. First, this is an instructive lesson we can all learn from. A recent teaching reminds us that God is a jealous God and there is to be no Gods, or anything else, between us and God. We can expect disastrous and painful results if we do.
Second, what then is my course of action? Since I am seriously attempting to follow Christ, I need forgiveness so I just have to forgive. There appears to be no exclusions to this requirement, we are required to forgive all. I need patience so I just have to be more patient. I need kindness so I just have to be more kind. I need to be understood so I just have to be more understanding. I need grace so I have to give grace to others. If I am to emulate the action of Christ, I must do good and pray for those who have hurt me. This is the heavy lifting part of the gospel. If I return evil for evil I become evil. I must do the words of Christ to rise up, then I can attempt to lift another. I am also trying to keep claim of covenant status. The following excerpts from the covenant documents seem appropriate.
T & C 157: 50-51: I descended below it all, and know the sorrows of you all, and have borne the grief of it all, and I say to you, Forgive one another. Be tender with one another, pursue judgment, bless the oppressed, care for the orphan, and uplift the widow in her need, for I have redeemed you from being orphaned and taken you that you are no longer a widowed people. Rejoice in me, and rejoice with your brethren and sisters who are mine also. Be one.
You pray each time you partake of the sacrament to always have my spirit to be with you. And what is my spirit? It is to love one another as I have loved you. Do my works and you will know my doctrine, for you will uncover hidden mysteries by obedience to these things that can be uncovered in no other way. This is the way I will restore knowledge to my people. If you return good for evil, you will cleanse yourself and know the joy of your Master. You call me Lord, and do well to regard me so, but to know your Lord is to love one another.
T & C 158:19: But if you do not honor me, nor seek to recover my people Israel, nor teach you children to honor me, nor care for the poor among you, nor help lighten one another’s burdens, then you have no promise from me and I will raise up other people who will honor and serve me, and give unto them this land, and if they repent, I will abide with them.
In conclusion, we are under specific obligations. Sister Mendenhall is a widow among us. Denise Mendenhall, though of age, is fatherless. There are others as well, sister Corbridge and etc. Can we set aside our desire for accusation? Can we set aside our desire for condemnation? Can we extend the olive branch? Can we do good to our foes? Can we forgive? Can we build peace?
Debi Mendenhall James will field all polite and considerate questions that anyone may have. She can be reached at publishinghope@gmail.com. There is still work to be done to care for Diane. If you wish to assist I know it will be appreciated. As for Denise, I suspect she will not live very long in the current dynamic, perhaps prayers of faith are all that remain.
I know as a father if I were to pass away today (as I am currently recovering from covid) I would want the movement to rally around my wife and family. I would hope they would not focus on my worst days. Note: also I have life insurance; brethren take care of your wife.
