Friday, January 2, 2015

The Correlated Book of Mormon

I can't take credit for this. It was written by a friend of mine. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

2 Nephi 31: 12- 21 (Correlated Version)

"And the voice of the Brethren came unto me, saying: He that is baptized in Christ's name, to him will the Father give the prophet; wherefore follow us, and do the things which ye have heard us do.

"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, I know that if ye shall follow the prophet, with full purpose of heart, acting no apostasy and no deception before God, but with real intent, repenting of your sins, witnessing unto the bishop that ye are willing to take upon you the name of Mormon by baptism- yea, by following your Lord and Savior down into the water, according to his word, behold, then shall ye receive the conference; yea, then cometh the warm fuzzies; and then can ye speak with the words of the living prophets, and shout praises to the Presiding High Priest of Israel.

"But behold, my beloved brethren, thus came the voice of the Brethren unto me, saying: After ye have confessed your sins, and witnessed unto the prophet in an oath-like gesture that ye are willing to keep his commandments, by the baptism of water, and have received the conference talks, and can speak with new quotes, even the quotes of the brethren, and after this should deny us, it would have been better for you that ye had not known us.

"And I heard a voice from the Prophet, saying: Yea, the words of the brethren are true and faithful. He that endureth to the end, the same shall be saved.

"And now, my beloved saints, I know by this that unless man shall endure to the end, in following the words of the prophet of the living church, he cannot be saved.

"Wherefore, do the things which I have told you I have seen your prophet and president do; for, for this cause have they been shown unto me, that ye might know the gate by which ye should enter, For the gate by which you should enter is repentance and baptism by water, then cometh a remission of your sins by confession and approval of the bishop.

"And then are ye in this strait and narrow path, which leads to the eternal life; yea, ye have entered by the gate; ye have done according to the commandments of the prophet and the brethren, which witness of each other, unto the fulfilling of the promise which they have made, that they cannot lead you astray.

"And now my beloved saints, after ye have gotten into this strait and narrow path, I would ask if all is done? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; for ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of the prophet with unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to lead.

"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in correlated doctrine, having a perfect brightness of confidence, and a love of God and all the brethren. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of the brethren, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the prophet: Ye shall have eternal life.

"And now, behold, my beloved saints, this is the way; and there is none other way nor name given under heaven whereby man can be saved in the kingdom of God. And now, behold, this is the doctrine of the prophet, and the only and true doctrine of the first presidency, and of the prophet, and of the holy apostles, which is one leadership, without end. Amen." 


  1. This is too good! Thanks for sharing.

    Perfectly uses irony to make the same point I was too long winded in trying to say what makes me the most seasick about being on this ship/boat:

  2. HA!! Too good. To bad the author is not known, cause this is fantastic.

  3. It's funny, but it is disturbing as well. It illustrates a point I've seen for awhile. In correlation, we lose the real message of the scriptures. Manuals us scripture references, but they are often taken out of context, and the real meaning is lost. People need to read the scriptures and discuss them with God.

    If they don't, it results in the message being conformed to the institution, rather than the other way around.

    Erin West

  4. ...and I know that correlation is true...

  5. For me, there is no laugh, only cry.

  6. Hi,

    This is clever.

    However, On July 23, 1843 Joseph Smith taught that there is “No salvation between the two lids of the bible without a legal administrator.” The week previous he dictated a revelation stating that there are specific priesthood keys and “there is never but one on the earth at a time on whom this power and the keys of this priesthood are conferred” (D&C 132:7) and ordinances NOT performed through the authority of the “one” man, are “not valid neither of force when they are out of the world” (v. 18).
    It appears that within the context of Joseph Smith’s teachings, the “Presiding High Priest of Israel” is important.

    Take Care,

    Brian Hales

    1. Hi Brian,

      Thanks for commenting. I'll note that the verse you quote from 132 is referring to the Holy Spirit of Promise, and the keys thereof as exercised by a man named Joseph Smith.

      Somewhere along the lines, the idea has crept in that those keys were (or even can be) passed from one man to another, and that they now reside with Thomas Monson. This proposition is historically and doctrinally problematic.

      From a scriptural perspective, we must ask how those keys were obtained by, for example, John the Baptist, who worked outside the established hierarchy. Or Alma, who baptized at Mormon. Who was the “one man” under whom these men operated?

      What about Lehi, who offered sacrifices in the wilderness? What about Moses, Abraham, or for that matter, Joseph Smith?

      Legal administrators? Yes. All of these men were indeed legal administrators. Sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise? Yes, I believe their acts were. But who was the “one man” who held the keys and delegated them to these men to make their acts valid?

      And beyond the question of priesthood keys, where is the scriptural basis that we should praise, honor, follow, and yes, worship a man?

    2. Section 132 is not scripture nor revelation from God. Just propaganda put out by the polygamists to justify and sell their sin.

    3. Greg S, you speak very authoritatively on the subject. May I ask, do you have any sources/revelation to back it up, or is it just a strong opinion? My personal feeling it that the first part of the section is legitimate, but it was added upon to justify polygamy as practiced under Brigham. I do not have any real answers yet on the subject, though.

  7. "Then cometh the warm fuzzies..."

    Okay, THAT made me laugh!

  8. Oh Adrian, Adrian… wow… really again?

    Let me say this first. I fully realize that your “correlated” BOM post (even though you didn’t write it) was done in the spirit of entertainment, satire, and just “for fun”, even if it does “twist” the words of a sacred book from the words of prophets… AND GUESS WHAT… I am totally okay with that…

    HOWEVER… A wise man once said…

    “Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”

    On your December 16th blog post you just about had a conniption fit and lost your mind, and posted a giant “HOLY! CRAP!” on your post because someone else decided to post/create something out of the spirit of entertainment and “for fun” using the words of church leaders and Disney characters.

    Said you… “Are you SERIOUS? Let's compare what we claim are the direct words of Jesus Christ—to vapid platitudes of Disney Princesses? For fun?”

    For one, it is my understanding, you don’t even believe that the current leaders of the church are “prophets”, so taking their words and comparing them to Disney characters shouldn’t make much difference to you any way, any more than comparing the words of presidents of the USA to Disney characters might… I am not sure why you’re so upset about something like that if you don’t believe the words are really from God… you don’t really believe that these are “direct words of Jesus Christ”… do you?

    Secondly, you have repeatedly said that you DO believe the BOM to be the word of God. So, for you to post something that pokes fun at and twists the words of the BOM, (even if done purely for entertainment purposes) and not give it the same “HOLY! CRAP!” attitude seems very hypocritical.

    I can think of only two reasons why you have done this…

    (1) Your correlated BOM post is hypocritical (which I don’t believe you are a hypocrite), OR

    (2) Your December 16th rant and “HOLY! CRAP!” response to Prophet or Princess was way blown out of proportion and only done to further your agenda of discrediting and mocking the current leadership of the LDS church, raising doubts and fears in people’s minds, and cause people confusion.

    In reference to your “HOLY! CRAP!” rant… I know you said… “I hope you'll forgive the sarcastic tone of the above. Sometimes this is the best way to highlight utter absurdity. When the sayings of those called prophets are viewed as sources of entertainment, when the words of eternal life are confused with the slogans of fictional wizards, when we, like fools, trifle with sacred things, unable to discern God's word from man's, we are indeed "wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked." (Revelation 3:17)”

    So, which is it…?

    Is your January 2 post hypocritical? Or did you use your exaggerated disgust and “HOLY! CRAP!” attitude on December 16th just to further your agenda of “implying” that the current church leadership are not prophets (still not sure why you won’t just come out and say it)?

    -A fellow seeker of truth.

    1. Hello Fellow Seeker,

      I do appreciate your caring enough to comment, and I apologize in advance for the fact that I must point out some uncomfortable things about your focus.

      My anonymous friend, your purpose is to not to contribute to the discussion, but to criticize. In so doing, you make some foolish arguments and nit-pick details to avoid dealing with the actual material.

      Here’s what you’re overlooking:

      The point is not what I think of the prophets; the comparison between prophets and Disney characters was offered by a church-owned magazine—by those who revere the prophets as actually speaking for Christ. By so doing, they compared the words of our Lord to the words of Disney characters and found them similar. The Disney comparison was NOT satire. The quiz was difficult because the words of the “prophets” are indistinguishable from the platitudes of princesses. The comparison illustrated similarity.

      And yet, that same church organization will persecute, punish, and even cast out those who do not believe the “prophets” are speaking for God (ask me how I know.) It is this double standard that caused me to make the exclamations I did. No, I did not “just about have a conniption fit and lose my mind.” My words were chosen deliberately, carefully, and in a way that might surprise you. I assure you, they were not blown out of proportion. My point was to highlight the very low regard for Christ’s words evidenced by the Disney comparison, and therefore by those who made and promoted the comparison.

      The correlated BOM post WAS satire. It did not "poke fun" at the Book of Mormon. Rather, it compared the ACTUAL words of Christ to the practices and beliefs of the modern LDS church. The purpose was to highlight differences, not similarities. Only by extensively changing Christ’s words, can they be made to fit our practices. Therefore, which are wrong? Christ’s words or our practices? Which do you accept as scripture? The “correlated” post, or the actual Book of Mormon?

      Now you can choose to focus on anonymously finding fault with me, and with the way I present things. It really doesn’t bother me if you do. But you’re wasting your time. I suggest it’s far more important to consider what I’m illustrating by these two posts. If we really have strayed that far from Christ’s word, all while claiming to receive Christ’s word through our prophets, is there a problem? Are you concerned? Or is it really just about me?

  9. It sounds too much like what we really hear in church. I had to make a purposeful mental effort to remember this is not what the scripture really says. -Rebecca C


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